I am afraid to label myself as a nerd sometimes. Not when
talking to people of the non-nerd variety as some might think, but when talking
to you. That is right, those of you who were ostracized, picked on, and
stereotyped, you are the ones that now have me second guessing myself and
feeling bad about it. Congratulations, you have the upper hand.
I like a lot of things the same things you like and with any
other group of people who share a similar interest that might be enough. Often
though, you make me feel that if I don’t know as many facts about those things
as you, or I haven’t liked those things for as long as you, then I just don’t qualify.
There is some weird nerd-cred system and I guess sometimes I don’t measure up.
Was I not in chess club in elementary school? Did I not
compete (and win) in science/creative fairs? Did I not watch the Star Wars
movies over and over again? And yet because I don’t know all the words and
minute trivia and didn’t own all the toys, it counts for nothing? (I did know
all the words to the musical Cats, but I think that might be something different.)
And I am sorry that I only recently discovered Comic-Con and am probably part
of the reason some of you think it isn’t like the good old days anymore, but does
that mean I shouldn’t be able to dress up like a TARDIS and enjoy it too?
I know that maybe you are just over-protective of the things
you love because of jerks. Believe me I understand that you do not want
everyone hopping on the nerd bandwagon because it makes it less unique. I was
always really into pirates and when the POTC movies came out and suddenly
everyone liked pirates I was like “Bah, I liked pirates before they were cool!”
but I came to realize that their rise in popularity meant that there was so
much more pirate related stuff for me to enjoy. I mean if nerdism had never
become more main stream would we have an Avengers movie directed by Joss Whedon?
I think not.
Anyway my point is this, for a group that supposedly had it
so hard socially you sure can be mean sometimes and being mean is always
intimidating no matter who you are. You will probably always know more about
all these things than me and so I am totally okay with you continuing to feel superior.
All I ask is that instead of looking
down on me for being more “casual” of a nerd than you, maybe you could take my
hand and show me the way?
I just want to be myself AND be welcomed. After all isn’t that
what most of us want? I know labels are kind of unnecessary, but I want to stop
saying I and You and start saying We. Am I overthinking it? Probably and feel
free to tell me if all this sentiment is stupid (as I am sure you will). However,
I cannot be the only one who feels this way sometimes and I just thought it
should be out there.
And if you just read this whole thing and thought “That isn’t
what I am like at all!” which really is probably most of you, then thank you. I
appreciate you for that and please pass this along to any snobby, angry, nerd
friends (you probably know who they are) you might have.
Sincerely and with love,
Alia
